When I was about 8, I voraciously devoured every Enid Blyton school story I could get my hands on. Literally. The covers were gnawed off almost obsessively. Folds were made that marked the boundaries of which bit would be torn off that day.  By the time I was 11, I looked back on this habit with loathing and gave out mini codes of conduct with every paperback I lent, so that they would return to me pristine and unsullied by the grubby hands of my excessively carefree friends. My brother is still regularly made to suffer for sitting on The Complete Sherlock Holmes (a Christmas present) and bending the cover irreparably. I would never, ever, ever have dreamed of actually writing in any of my books.

However, I’ve found more recently that the increasingly poor editing of (specifically, but I doubt exclusively) certain ancient history books has led to me read with a pen (yes, my children, a PEN) to hand in order to correct errors. You might be marvelling at my unbounded hubris, but let me show you what I mean (errors coloured green):

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Customise your coffinI suppose it all depends on your point of view.  If you you’re the kind of person who worries about where their earthly remains are kept after you no longer inhabit them, I suppose you might like to choose whether to have clouds or zebra print on your coffin (wood or 100% recycled cardboard, gold or rope handles).

Our local funeral directors are offering the services of www.colourfulcoffins.com. I highly recommend the section of the site that gives examples of bespoke designs.

They do look quite nice, I grant you, but it’s not exactly a long-term investment in beauty, is it (particularly if you’re ordering one for a cremation)? Why spend £99 designing a box for your rotting corpse, when your heirs could be spending it on their mortgage or their children’s school uniforms or something? And who exactly sits down and designs their own coffin, anyway? What’s even more ridiculous is that some people seem to have ordered plain black or white ones. Did the colourful part of the company’s name just pass them by?

Perhaps the religious types think they’ll be greeted at the pearly gates more enthusiastically if they come complete with a rosary-decorated box?

Okay, I’m fine with the recycled cardboard ones. Much more sensible in a world where we produce too many people and they still take up space when they die. Even less point putting pictures on it, though.  Why bother with a coffin at all?

If I were pressed, though, I’d have to go for a design everyone else seems to have missed – soil and worms. At least it would fit in.

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Written on December 22nd, 2008 , Tara's Curiosity Shop Tags: , , ,

I and fellow grammarians (visit the Apostrophe Protection Society here) have been ranting and raving about the current inability of the majority of the population to use apostrophes correctly for some time. Limited no longer to greengrocer’s (sic), the possessive has become Teutonicised into a simple ‘s’, minus apostrophe, or the apostrophe is thrust ardently into verbs that have absolutely no use for it and so on and so forth. queens head

Starbucks logoThis practice seems particularly prevalent on signs (e.g. ‘Starbucks’, where the apostrophe is never used even in general company documentation, despite it being named in part after the character in Moby Dick), where you would have thought that the company producing them would have someone to proofread what they were being paid to compose. See also this pub sign from our local old men’s pub. This particular pub has been on the same site since the 16 century, but I suspect the sign is a much later addition!

However, walking around on days out I’ve started to notice that this isn’t just a modern phenomenon. I’m talking here more about the omission of apostrophes than their misapplication.

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Written on November 14th, 2008 , Tara's Curiosity Shop Tags: ,

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